Quietude

Being on the simple side of things, I see my role as being protective of a simpler aspect of awareness than urges communicativity. It is fun to share stories, but what I'm addressing here is in the neighborhood of problem solving. Many people question theirselves when close friends and loved ones complain about simple detail. If I am on the simple side of an identity relationship and making noise about problems, what confidence in their self does my partner have?

This is why I believe these relations I've been describing might develop slowly. We are in a lowly place at present, and even bare minimal survival can be a challenge. Anyone who gets to know me will quickly encounter issues that I carry from a lifetime of rigorous self-examining “sacrifice.” I spent years in and out of jail, I've suffered drug addiction, and have been wounded in relationships. But haven't so many of us struggled in our respective ways?

It's not that I expect to be worthy right away, but I am decisively setting myself on a path that will bring us up out of the trouble we've been in, gradually, and on a path that will bring us together in significant ways for a very long time. So I'm sharing the thoughts that develop as I look forward, both temporally and socially. There are other angels that we will all connect with in our respective lives, but in the beginning it seems very important to deal carefully with the simple basics of integrity and fidelity.

Integrity is the emphasis in my identity relationship with Sam, and unless that integrity is maintainable, I will fall back from any other relationship into the types of disfunction I have mentioned, so at a mutually safe pace he and I will work to acknowledge our selves and each other and thus make progress. Fidelity is the emphasis in the relations we have beyond what we have with each other, in my case that being with Heather. Mutual satisfaction is essential for the two of us, and for that to happen I have to have the strength to get off my ass in a more meaningful and practical way.

As for “quietude,” which is how I've entitled this blog, my own ability to be quiet is the goal I seek presently. The fact that I'm addressing you so elaboratively with my ontologies while finding minimal response says that there is still a simple need for me to encourage self-respect. Better for us if I were the listener, but we're not there yet. We will together have safer lives when we can achieve that quieter atmosphere.

For the time being, I wrestle with a world where intervention and stupification are all too intense of a wager, and so to save soulfulness I persevere with my own commitment to affirming life as a communicative truth in its healthy aspect. I will keep freedom, where language is concerned, alive, even if I have to be the loudmouth. Rather than believing I have great range of influence, I'm just working through the judgment of affirmation in my mind and putting it into words.