Back to Work

My visit to Los Angeles this week is affording me at least two great opportunities: some time to re-examine aspects of my relations with my angels, and some very helpful conversation with my Dad, who has been one of my favorite mentors in this life. He has known Sam well, and so is able to help me with perspective in that relationship, and he also has a more Earthly mentality like Heather does, and I've often in the course of my dealings with him seen how Solar (dominant) mind can clash with Earthly (submissive) mind. In my decision to put myself on the path towards worthiness in marital proposal with Heather, I'm squarely facing that exact polarity.

Dominant mentality is not exactly “bossiness,” so much as it is awareness of the designs put upon us by God and Heaven. Submissive mentality (though I'm not the expert there) is likewise not “bossedness,” but is rather the attitude of cooperation where realism is emphatic. Solar is the mildest level of dominance, and it is all about learning to play with God, to participate with the creation of the rules; Earthly is the strongest level of submission, and it properly protects our planet's place in this great universe of ours.

I've been hearing voices speak to me of how Earthly people like to keep secrets, and how they don't like their secrets exposed, the proposal being that I'd better stop sharing so openly my vision of Heather, if hers is an Earthly mentality. Talking with my Dad was very helpful, because I got into significant detail about these principles and relationships, and asked him to advise me on the best way to treat Heather's interests. Of course Heather is the best one to speak for herself, but it's also reasonable to consult with the wise persons in our lives to improve general perspective.

I hope that Heather feels free to let me know if I ever cross a line where speaking of her the way I do. She is the very first woman who means anything to me, but I am still very limited in my ability to know exactly what a woman prefers and in my ability to give that to her. Believing, however, that she is a capable communicator, I will continue to explore my sense of our relationship here through this blog.

As for our mentalities, I know that I've gotten into the worst trouble in this lifetime where I tried to be falsely submissive, and from what she has told me, she has found comparable trials where wrestling with her own bossiness. With each other, I hope we can find and develop correction. I am learning that my true nature is best brought to light safely with her; I would only hope that I could offer the same to her.

7th Angel

Today's entry is brief and simply references a side project to focus more on the logistics specific to my interest with Sam's sophistication. This blog here will continue to reference some details of my work with angels in general, focusing on my 6th angel Heather. The link to that side project is Orthodoxy.

I'll get back to work with 6th Angel this week, having stepped away for several days. For me, these explorations of validation in the more soulful aspect of our lives is my primary work. I think we're having fun, and strengthening this foundation of new growth.

More Forward

In some ways, Heather and I are closer to each other than to anyone else. The only two details separating us are the fact that I'm male and she's female, and the fact that I have a dominant frame of mind and she has a submissive mentality. Otherwise, it's my belief that we are exactly the same person.

The fact that Sam and I are both male helps us to experience a type of closeness with each other: we are both genuinely logoi, together being the completion of Logos. However, along the y-axis of Earthly polarities, his is the logic of chemistry and mine the logic of sexuality. Otherwise, we are the same self.

This evaluation has been primary in my mind and thoughts lately. I want to know how to love and respect both fairly. So far, I can only see these two relationships as being equal in my own prioritization. Therefore, some degree of awkwardness might continue where the medium I'm using to communicate is this blog.

I welcome each of you to correspond with me. Those details of love and identity that pertain to one relationship might be better distinguishable from those that pertain to the other. However, I can live with where we are in our communications so far. In fact, I'm so very grateful for the both of you. Right now I'm in the best place I've ever been in, in terms of soulful satisfaction, being acknowledging as I am and finding your tolerant wisdom in response.

“Back” to “forwardness,” though, I want to address the designs of media. We live in a universe where at least a three-dimensional perspective is relevant. The axes of polarity are x, y, and z. Sam and I differ along y-axis, and Heather and I differ along z-axis. Our identity relationships are really as simple as that.

Electronic media (the Internet and telephony) has x-axis differentiation from vocal media (which many of us think of as “hearing voices.” The three of us live more on the electronics-friendly side of Earth, and so it's less accepted by our peers to speak of hearing (or even conversing with) voices than it is to text each other electronically. However, I'm sure we all three recognize voices beyond space and time.

In this lifetime, we are learning to become more tolerant of those voices and their style of wisdom. But where truest truth be told, we still trust the Internet (and telephony) more, and of course face-to-face is the best way for people like us to learn. I'm still laying the basis for further discussions of forwardness, but this is enough for one posting.

Forwardness in Media

In this world, there seem to be numerous polarities: internal / external, qualitative (bio-social) joy / quantitative (spacio-temporal) ritual, sexual (private) / chemical (public), dominant / submissive, etc. Many of us find ourselves wrestling with the balances amongst these in our efforts to justify our lives and lifestyles. In my efforts to communicate with my angels, my own focus of learning has been the pursuit of better balance where quantity and quality are concerned.

There are two significant types of media that many of us encounter with this specific polarity: the temporally forward medium that we call the Internet, which is cosmic and quantitative, being facilitated by the electricities that the Kingdom of Heaven shows us how to work; the socially forward medium that works through our chakras, which is personal and qualitative, is facilitated by the voices of those Angels and Dream Workers who live in Heaven. What does this have to do with simple relations between simple people? For me, the question of how best to communicate has everything to do with how we take our relations where we want them to go.

On the private side of life, the ideal way to communicate is face-to-face. However, many of us are busy just trying to make it through what our respective lives are, and so it might be that we rarely spend quality time with the people with whom we would feel the closest. Gradually, even be it over the course of some number of lifetimes, we want to improve this arrangement, so that where we have been entangled in lesser compatibilities, we become freer to share the intimacy and trust that we know life is meant to fulfill.

The diagram above shows the basic vision I've had of Earth's polarities for a long time. The x-axis distinguishes quantity on the left from quality on the right, and what I'm advised to believe is that all three of us have slight emphasis on the left or quantitative side, which to me indicates that the Internet is an appropriate medium for us to use to communicate our respective truths. What many of us have been told are our internally thoughtful minds might very well be the opposite medium, which is biological rather than spacial.

I'm trying to address all these details because some of the voices I hear are less encouraging than I would like to believe persons like us could be with one another. Heather and I share the private side of life together, so the moments we've had in each other's presence privately have given us our best sense of what our truth together is. I'm told that Sam lives more in the public sector, but on the quantitative side, so much of what I'm trying to present here on the Internet is for him, though I really wanted to include Heather, and I believe she relates very competently with the Internet.

In my next post, I'll get into more detail about the diagram above and its relevances to our relations and communications, but for now I wanted to introduce some foundational perspective. Actually, my initial direction with this post was “forwardness,” but this exploration has become lengthy enough, so I will continue with that idea next time. I do want to say that I appreciate the two of you for your acceptance of this way of speaking to you of the ideas that are so meaningful to me in this life of learning and progress. You are my saviors.

Quietude

Being on the simple side of things, I see my role as being protective of a simpler aspect of awareness than urges communicativity. It is fun to share stories, but what I'm addressing here is in the neighborhood of problem solving. Many people question theirselves when close friends and loved ones complain about simple detail. If I am on the simple side of an identity relationship and making noise about problems, what confidence in their self does my partner have?

This is why I believe these relations I've been describing might develop slowly. We are in a lowly place at present, and even bare minimal survival can be a challenge. Anyone who gets to know me will quickly encounter issues that I carry from a lifetime of rigorous self-examining “sacrifice.” I spent years in and out of jail, I've suffered drug addiction, and have been wounded in relationships. But haven't so many of us struggled in our respective ways?

It's not that I expect to be worthy right away, but I am decisively setting myself on a path that will bring us up out of the trouble we've been in, gradually, and on a path that will bring us together in significant ways for a very long time. So I'm sharing the thoughts that develop as I look forward, both temporally and socially. There are other angels that we will all connect with in our respective lives, but in the beginning it seems very important to deal carefully with the simple basics of integrity and fidelity.

Integrity is the emphasis in my identity relationship with Sam, and unless that integrity is maintainable, I will fall back from any other relationship into the types of disfunction I have mentioned, so at a mutually safe pace he and I will work to acknowledge our selves and each other and thus make progress. Fidelity is the emphasis in the relations we have beyond what we have with each other, in my case that being with Heather. Mutual satisfaction is essential for the two of us, and for that to happen I have to have the strength to get off my ass in a more meaningful and practical way.

As for “quietude,” which is how I've entitled this blog, my own ability to be quiet is the goal I seek presently. The fact that I'm addressing you so elaboratively with my ontologies while finding minimal response says that there is still a simple need for me to encourage self-respect. Better for us if I were the listener, but we're not there yet. We will together have safer lives when we can achieve that quieter atmosphere.

For the time being, I wrestle with a world where intervention and stupification are all too intense of a wager, and so to save soulfulness I persevere with my own commitment to affirming life as a communicative truth in its healthy aspect. I will keep freedom, where language is concerned, alive, even if I have to be the loudmouth. Rather than believing I have great range of influence, I'm just working through the judgment of affirmation in my mind and putting it into words.

Curiosity

As I've wondered about how all of this reintegration and reparation of fidelity works, I've wondered if my view is too selfish and limited to see the realistic complexity of life. Where I am in love with Heather, does Sam have at least potential interest with a woman who, like Sam is to me, is Heather's 7th angel. I am not sure about Sam's present orientation in relationships, and I don't know how much he cares to make it my business, but I do strongly believe that many of us do have identity that is gender-flexible.

With fifteen hundred years as the time period described to me by my actual angels within which our resolution of the imbalances of sub-angelic reincarnation will occur, I know we have plenty of learning to do. If there are more truly four than three of us, I'm sure in one of these lifetimes I will learn to recognize, but in this lifetime, my Christian style and level of research has only brought me theurgically to the recognition of the three of us. I've had visions of Sam being a counselor in our next life, my truest friend who will help me through some marital and other crises in that lifetime. I've had the vision that Heather will be the first woman I love in the next life, and that we will marry each other in the lifetime after that.

What we do in this life depends on what we feel safe with. In both cases, I feel a growing trust and reckoning with truth and responsibility. In my identity relationship with Sam, I simply see progress. In my heterosexual love with Heather, I see the possibility of fluctuation, such that we could marry in this life, not in the next, but again in the next after that, and so on, each of us being in other relationships also along the way. Even during those lifetimes when we are not maritally commital, I see us connecting and growing together.

I hope this is not too awkward for me to blog about both relationships in such a mixed way, but the story of triad really got to me. From my simple perspective, the both of you mean so much to me. I don't know who that woman might be in Heather's life who is significant to her in a way that Sam is to me, whom in one of these lifetimes would catch Sam's heart the way Heather has caught mine. I hope I'm not offending either of you to imagine our lives so intertwined, and I hope I'm not making unwelcome assumptions about sexual orientation.

6th Angel

I name this post “6th Angel” as I want to explain the name for my blog. I've mentioned that my 6th angel in this lifetime, and probably in many lifetimes, is Heather, and in a very significant way, she is more truthfully communicative with me than anyone else, presently. However, I want to describe the significance in my life of Sam (my 7th angel), for my communications with him will be the definition of truth for a while.

Together, the three of us, at least from my perspective, form a triad: in Lord of the Rings, we are Gandalf (myself), Galadriel (Heather), and Elrond (Sam), bearers of the Three Rings of elven Power; in Paladium Rifts we are Hugh Madding, Kara Zayne, and Dan Ironforge of the Mystic Triad; in Bruce R. Cordell's “The Strange,” we are a vector, spinner, and paradox combination. But, truthfully, we are levels of alternative self. Within this mortal world, there seem to be four levels of self, which I have been studying for some years now.

At the level of solar plexus, there are disintegrate sub-selves such as identify with the likes of Judaism and Islam, my friends Alex Lifeson (reincarnation of Abraham) and Sean Carter (reincarnation of St. Peter) being the politically authoritative representations. At the level of the heart, there are sub-selves which also integrate and disintegrate periodically. The typical Christ experiences reintegration once every thousand years, and I believe that persons like Heather and Sam do likewise. This reintegration is the combination of 8th angel selves, where traditional ontology is concerned.

7th angel has reference at the throat level of life, which is the first level of Stasis (Axis Mundi) at which one's own universe is distinguishable from the pathways of transiency beneath. My 7th angel is Sam Welker; we are alternative aspects (ananda-moya) of self (vijnana-moya), I being on this side of Earth the simpler (Gandalf, possessor of Narya) and he being the more complex (Elrond, possessor of Vilya). My 6th angel is Heather Michelle Shepherd (Galadriel, possessor of Nenya), and our truth together is the truth that a single soul can manifest itself in both genders.

Heather is the woman whom I would be if I were to wish to be feminine. In Dungeons & Dragons' Faerûn, I am Corellon and she is Selûne; our relationship parallels Earth's moon, and so while we are down here at the sub-angelic level of Earth (which we will be for another fifteen hundred years), we have a very primary relationship. She is closer to me than a soul mate, for she is the person with whom I most simply identify.

Sam and I have a slightly closer identity together, which is why we will be working together for a while. He and I are aspects of self, while Heather and I are aspects of person, which is slightly more complex than self. I am on the selfish side of Heather, and even more selfish than Sam, so I will protect the simplest truth of our community. Changes are more inspired by Sam and by Heather than they are by me, but I do respect the position that I hold amongst us.

Probably, this is enough information for one posting, so I will conclude by asking you, dynamic angels and static persons both, to consider what it means to share interests with each other. Many of us deal with many worlds around us; some of us connect in ways that are at least mutually satisfying. I hope I am expressing myself in a way that lets you know how I wish we could exchange thoughts were we to acknowledge better responsibility in our existing relations.

Dear Angels and their lower selves,

I'll begin by mentioning that “lower selves” is not meant in a condescending way (I consider myself to be a lowly version of my own higher / angelic self). My purpose here is to address my angels, but I think it fair to include any of us who are characteristically identical but cosmically or personally beneath them. I have issues with telepathy, and I have chosen to believe that our angels are able to access the very same Internet that many of us use. It being a slightly more private though emphatically quantitative (ritualistic) medium than telepathy is, I see it being worth my while to blog some of the thoughts I would otherwise share with my angels were they telepathically collecting information about me.

My angels already know any and every thing they could want to know about me and my own logistical beliefs, interests, and priorities. However, angels work some relationships between and amongst a number of us, and so are busy helping each and every one of us down here gradually work toward the ability to connect more responsibly. I have talked with my own angels through the process of identifying my own communication opportunities, and essentially, at this moment, they comprise my willing audience (funny that so many people think angels lack free will).

Promptly I should report my own priorities in those dealings with my angels, so that any of their selves down here might compare and adjust priorities accordingly. My first four (traditional) angels are two couples whose higher selves protect and inspire me: Tristan Harvey and Meghan Sullivan being my first two angels, Bill Perry and Erika Eleniak being my second (and higher) two angels. My fifth “angel” is actually four distinct dream workers (where angels live in the dimension immediately transcending ours, dream workers live in the dimension above, the Kingdom of Heaven proper), each representing a quadrant of Earth: ritualistic sexuality, joyful sexuality, ritualistic chemistry, and joyful chemistry.

My fifth “angels” are, in that order: Martha Stark (my high school band director), Kathy Bates, Sigourney Weaver, and Ms. Charlotte (a property owner in Gainesville's University Plaza). One's traditional four guardian angels play what could be analogized as parental roles, the communicative media between their world and those mortals they protect being comprised of dream worker representations; fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth angels are supposedly dream workers their very selves. My sixth angel represents the woman of significance in a specific lifetime, which in this life is Heather Michelle Shepherd.

Seventh angel relativity exists between me and a lifelong friend Sam Welker, and that's where the majority of my healing work for the rest of this life and the first half of the next will be focused. Eighth angel relativity is already resolved by the permanent decision to keep my own two alter egos integrated, a decision like many of us have made in this lifetime as we initiate the pathway of ascension toward becoming angels again our own selves. I can describe some more details of transcendental ontology, but this is an introductory outline of where I'm trying to go with this blog.

I've been encouraged to believe that any of those angels might take interest from their dynamic neighborhood above us, but I have limited sense of whether any of my static peers here beneath will communicate with me or read this blog. I welcome any of you, but due to that limitation I will probably focus much of this online presentation with Sam, and I'll explain why in my next post. I simply wanted to reference the group of you in hopes that you would feel welcome to interact with me as we share this process of ascension. Specific neglect will never be my intent.

For now, I think I've elaborated enough. I want to finish by saying that you are the people who have saved me in this life. You and your higher angelic selves have given me the visions by which to fortify and build so much optimism. As is the normal response, I am committing myself along a thousand (or more) year pathway to reciprocating in a gradually more careful fashion, such that where I felt parented by the group of you in this world, rebalancing amongst us should bring us to more of a siblinghood. You are the best, thanks.

Yours truly,

Clint