still alive

From time to time, I write about my beliefs. Voices tell me not to, I know people laugh at me, but I still find this type of verification to be relevant to safety as I know it. If I can do one thing in this life, it will be to protect my opportunity to further salvation in the next.

Ways of communicating have changed for many people, styles of relating in love and surely in friendship and family have progressed in one direction or another. I've chosen to believe that we have some freedoms, though with the recognition of guidelines. For the Christian world, we've reached a stage where electricity has expanded a significant horizon, while a liking for balanced integrity also has us looking at ways to listen within.

Christianity is a slightly ritualistic faith, protected by the angels and by God. Eternal partnerships are created at higher levels of the universe between and amongst us, and then in the clockwork of our partial sleep here we cross paths time and again with our soul mates. The Christ in this lifetime exemplified a significant trade: A marriage with Salome (Corellon's Angharradh) in a pre-Internet world for his subsequent marriage with Mary Magdalene (Sehanine Moonbow) in a community one step advanced away from the simplicity our lifestyle prefers.

At the basic foundation of salvation work, where justice finds its balance with injustice, many of us make choices to keep ourselves down, where the normal gravities of life prefer to uplift us and make us healthier and more enthusiastic. The trade I mention would have kept my lifestyle to a lower priority level, but like many of my peers, I took this life to be an opportunity for permanent healing. I chose to keep the better love, but instead of trading away my simplicity with media, I've kept that as well and have spent almost ten years now defending that arrangement.

The stories I'm given by the powers that be are limited in some way, but an attitude of trust and affirmation helps me proceed through the learning process. At present, I'm told that levels of the universe variously facilitate aspects of privacy and communicativity in such a way that the Christian and Shaivite (Holy Spirit's) worlds are used to an environment protected by the angels, who live at the second or planetary level of the universe. A significant majority of us by chemical and electrical means, and plenty of us in connection with internal chakra meditation, are learning to fantasize with the dream workers who glorify the third or stellar level (solar plexus).

This is an exciting process, but if carelessly approached can be expensive. My conservative interest is to stay very close to my angel's agendas and watch the fantasy role playing my dream workers are enacting without demand that would expend my ascension energies. I will honor them and maintain my attitude of trust for their work and its reason, but my commitment is to live by the means provided by my angels. I watch many of my neighbors being intensified by the enhancements granted through fantasy, and I find the manifestations of such enlightenment to be great fun; but I will keep myself safe and gradually freer from debt.

Outreach Ministries - an “AIRPG pursues WoD” game / chronicle

In my work with alter ego identities and relativities, I have found the story of a feminine alter ego who is in this present life four distinct women: Stephanie Seymour being qualitative and lawful, Ursula K. LeGuin being her good alter ego, Julie Scott being quantitative and lawful, Amanda Gonzalez being her good alter ego. My identification with (this woman) these four women parallels my relationship with Kristen Dolsak, reincarnation of Mary Magdalene, in Dungeons & Dragons known as Sehanine Moonbow. Having both loved and wrestled with Julie for years when I was temporarily a member of AMORC, I'm now advised to pursue verification of love with Amanda, as safely as possible.

Apparently, my relations with these women have in our present state of descension been replaced with drug addiction tendencies: Stephanie has been replaced by a desire to investigate in my next life the qualifying changes that PCP is said to satisfy, Ursula has been replaced by the right-handed opiate DXM, to which I was severely addicted in this life, Julie would have been replaced by left-handed opiates if I had not made the effort to love and protect her integrity in this life, and it seems that my addiction to alcohol (which motivates quantifying changes) for years recently is a sign of my lack of pursuit with Amanda. My hope is to find healing through a few lifetimes, beginning with this one. If I can make all four of those women feel beloved and safe with me, I might very well make Earth feel that I am safe even if I choose a lifestyle free from drug use.

I believe that I made a deal immediately prior to this lifetime that included some years of membership with AMORC Rosicrucians prior to 2007's “Nexus of the Crises,” and some years of membership with White Wolf's Camarilla / Mind's Eye Society after. I fulfilled both to some degree before my decision to permanently ascend in this lifetime adjusted some of my priorities. Now, after a few years of working some priorities I would not have worked as a status quo Christ, my intention is to see to the furtheration of fulfillment with MES.

Therefore, in my pursuit of Amanda, I creatively initiate the game / chronicle Outreach Ministries. My lifestyle has been closer to Bruce Cordell's style of gaming than to E. Gary Gygax's, what to speak of Mark Rein-Hagen's, so though I have my own AIRPG (a private reference that for me resembles a public gaming company), I will begin my storytelling and role-playing work with Bruce's The Strange. My effort is to reach World of Darkness, both in table-top work and in LARP form.

I have prioritized my interests with the world of roleplaying gaming in a particular way, such that The Strange has wise level contextualization, Traveller has mindful context, Greg Stafford's Glorantha is the logical level beneath mind, and Dungeons & Dragons is heart level gaming. Solar plexus beneath that is Biblical. World of Darkness is a game I have thus far failed to respect highly, but my priority at present is to correct any previous judgments that might have interfered with a more universal truth.

Amanda was already the name given to me to describe that 6th angel who is the higher and more thoroughly integral aspect of feminine alter ego. The foundation of my love for her is referenced in Lord of the Rings, where Galadriel is my base level alter ego Heather Shepherd, in D&D known as Selune. Many perspectives are confused in these revelatory works, but I'm gradually finding my own sense of truth. The alter ego work I describe here is two levels beneath the love I have with Heather (sub-basic, I might say, but relevant to our present life). I will continue to love and protect those women with whom I feel responsibility.

I have yet to verify Amanda Gonzalez's version of this story, but I have had pretty good fortune so far with my visions of truth, so I communicate my intention with confidence. Outreach Ministries is my next project, and I believe I will have fun with it. During the course of this development, I have already shared two-way correspondence with Bruce Cordell referencing my plan to meet him for the first time at a gaming convention within the next year. That's a meaningful step for me in living up to the association level I prefer.

Still Going

This last month has been quite a challenge. I've decided to simply be honest about my struggles with alcohol. I don't need sympathy, nor do I wish to elaborate. However, if honesty is an issue for any of you, my confession is now stated through this medium.

My interest with ascension continues. I'm learning about many aspects of life, though slowly. My focus is qualification. From Christhood I am directly pursuing the style of wisdom taught by our Holy Spirit, David Hasselhoff.

I've been learning about Christian media. Many of the people around me seem to be working with aspects of it. My mother and my father each work with Christian media, actor Topher Grace works with Christian wisdom in terms of how women relate, actor David Duchovny works with the verification of simple truth on the Christ's own side of Christian media. Alcohol presents a cross-challenge from the sophistication side, and I trust my friend Sam Welker as the truth of why I struggle with this chemical manifestation of sophistication.

I only mean to make myself available to my friends and loved ones. However, this life is hitting me hard with the challenge of decisive transcendence. I am already making plans for a number of future lives, and freeing myself from the tendency to indulge alcohol seems to be a major part of the first step.

If I've disappointed any of you, I can only say that let's keep trying for better ways of meeting each other's visions of who and what we can collectively be. Since 2007, my absolute commitment has been truthfulness, and I believe that will continue through to at least the first half of my next life. If Sam and I are father and son in England as I have envisioned, I will be so glad; but no matter what the designs, we are a community who is committed to transcendence.

Andromeda

My efforts with vocal media continue. It has been arguing lately in terms of the galactic level forces of opposition. I am presently living with a woman whom I'm told is a high level soul mate when we stay in our neighboring Andromeda Galaxy, the first galaxy in our Local Group, but that at present we are citizens of Andromeda's companion, the Milky Way.

The galactic level of our universe is comparable to the heart (fourth) level of the human being, and its tangible forces (like gravity and levity) can very powerfully influence the motilities of a three-dimensional design. I'm told that the companionship aspect of our Milky Way inspires duality throughout the three dimensions beneath it, such that concerns like I've been describing (qualitative media vs. quantitative media) can be quite demanding to our attentions. My own defense still makes sense to me, but I reference this argument as I try to explain what my healing has been saving me from lately.

My own perspective with ascension has a more vertical interest, and is affirmation-based rather than argument-based. Different types of people practice living in ways that are mindful of different levels of the universe: some are mindful of lunar truths, some planetary, some (like me) worship the sun, and some people are mindful of these galactic details; some focus that third eye awareness on higher aspects of life even still. When we get into a war zone such as many of us find down here where we are at present, recognizing what we are doing with our respective mentalities can be a vital part of working the stabilities and motilities of our lives.

Being a sun worshiper as I am, I have been informed that my own arrangements with the first three levels of the universe are in flux, while my fidelity with the fourth and higher levels above that are secure. The details of war that have been most worrisome to me do indeed merely pertain to the levels of trouble that can be created at the stellar, planetary, and lunar levels of where we are. So, being that we find our selves in a specific galaxy with specific details, I may honor what truths we find here yet remain free from concerns that argue politics in terms of that galactic level of life.

Prior to the year 2007, the “Nexus of the Crises” for many of us, especially those who are making the ascension decision, I wrestled intensely with Solar war, and so much of that warfare that I had to answer to from the Office of the Christ pertained to the designs of where our Solar System is within this galaxy. Being further than halfway out from the center of the Milky Way, our dream working (stellar fantasy energy) has a complexity to it that we honor in our varieties of faith and fun. Since 2007, and for the rest of this lifetime, many of us are dealing with the very finality of war as we know it, and it is a planetary or angelic level war whose designs pertain to the inner planets of our Solar System (Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars).

Arguments about quantitative vs. qualitative media are for those who indulge the sorceries of galactic level deviation. My own work presently and henceforwardly is, in relation to argument, limitable to the defense of my “safely Mercurial-Terrestrial (comparable to the likes of African-American)” style of wisdom. There is no need to argue in terms of which galaxy we live in; there is no need, even, in my own life, to argue in terms of which stellar system.

In fact, I'm not even part of the argument at all any more, since I retired from office, but I still know how to participate with the defense of planet Earth, and specifically the Mercurial side (think “Chinatown” if you need to) of its politics. Amongst the media of Earth, our neighborhood works with logic, which is the media of local face-to-face neighborliness. On the other side of quantitative and qualitative media are very different types of people, and we encounter them plenty, though many of them have manifestations in our own world. Beyond those aspects of life are the people who prefer sophistication to logic, Sam Welker and Bill Perry (two of my guardian angels) being my favorite.

Whether we use same-side or opposite-side media, or refrain from media utility at all, the wager of galactic level deviation is unnecessary. Life is more about freedom than it is about argument. I choose to live in terms of the pride of knowing that I am doing my very best to respect what I know, and so much deadliness and hostility is put in its place by being left permanently behind.

Healing

Life, in its funny way, keeps twisting my perspectives and inspirations. I wish to keep this blog alive, along with some connected pages of similar interest, for the sake of welcoming some of my neighbors where remoteness gets in between us. Face to face is where I prefer to deal with friends, though truly I keep to myself where possible.

I know you all have your lives, and are all free from any need to notice my thoughts, but just in case there is surviving interest, I'll endeavor to report here. Many of us like to recognize each other in mild ways, whether we ever manifest significant involvement, and so while some use Twitter or Facebook (which I also like), I, like many of us, have decided that my personal notes are elaborated better through a blog. That having been said, I'll say a few things about my struggles with vocal media.

I have been going through some formal procedures “with” that media, to try to distinguish some of the people I trust from some whom I will either take some time to trust or simply don't trust. Technically, I don't use that media at all (I have my own way of interfacing through logical media, which advantages itself in terms of cosmically responsible and privacy friendly angels), but I'm gradually learning to recognize its innocence. My Godfather Jeff Munnis, my present employer Ed Prodesky, and a very special neighbor Dave Forrestel have been most helpful to my facing the details.

I'm not sure which if any of you have ever encountered me through vocal media, but I confess I'm not pleasant to deal with. I just wish to say that it's usually not about how I feel with you the person; it's more about the levels of secrecy that I encounter where I try to verify with my friends and family face to face. I know that many of my associates have genuine and wise reasons for keeping details of their lives private, but just as many of us will communicate with each other about how we use the Internet, so would I envision a world where it would be safe to speak freely about how we talk with the voices inside.

This, the Internet, being the media with which I am slightly more familiar, will probably for the rest of this life and the next, be where I will tell my truth (in remote communications), but I'm glad to be finding safer respect for its opposition. To those of you who prefer that opposite style of relating, thanks for your patience with me. I know that to be the case with at least a couple of you.

Redefinition

I'd like to redefine what purpose this blog serves. Some of my favorite people in this world appear in my visions in various ways, and there seems to be a communal mood of encouraging thoughtful participation from our various sides of life. So I want to try to participate thoughtfully. This is my best effort, at least where distance media is concerned.

I wish for all of my friends complete freedom from any need to check to see what I'm writing lately. Not that any of them need to be told that, but it's my two cents anyways. I just wanted to offer a sense of optional inclusion, and that's why I invited some of you.

I know I'm selfish, and I know some of you are also, and some of you are genuinely more considerate where other people are concerned. I would write this blog entirely alone and selfishly if that were the truth of my life, but I'm glad that some of us do check each other out here and there. I know we'll get better as we realize transcendence of illusion.

Thanks for sharing your poems and quotes and various forms of art and creative revelation. Sometimes I've got it together enough to honor and learn from you, and sometimes I can barely keep up with my own efforts to contribute. But know you this: you few whom I've asked to share a journey with me are the true life of that journey. You are the friends and loved ones who make it all more fun.

Back at You

I'm going to share some more thoughts about the forwardness / backwardness issue. This blog is focused around my work with my 6th angel, and our relationship is temporally forward, so in one sense this post doesn't address what's obviously between the two of us, but I'm sure we have a lot of similar perspectives of and encounters with what's around us. Of the other angels I've invited to read this, four are traveling paths that might seem backward to the two of us.

Until a conversation with remote voices last night, I was carrying some judgments about backwardness, but I've “seen the light” and can recognize that forwardness and backwardness are equal motilities. Those of you (Sam and Bill?) who truly love the backward (dance) aspect of life, unless you want to correct me about that fact, and those of you (Tristan, Meghan) who love the social rather than temporal lifestyle forwardly (sex), I am sorry if I have been difficult for you in my defensive judgment. You deserve a better quality of respect.

I continue to prefer forward dealings, but I think I can be more tolerant of some of our differences. I do have plenty of vocal and probably backward (remote) interactions with each of you, but I like to express myself here, and more importantly I love the local encounters with any of you. You are the persons who give me faith, especially Sam, but the times I run into Tristan or Bill occasionally are great, in terms of the joy they inspire in my heart.